love

This is what I get. I give this another chance and look what I get left with.

I said fine, I'll give this another try. and I'm starting to remember why I gave up in the first place.

Bullshit. All this. Yeah it might feel good for awhile, but ultimately? I don't know anymore.

Ofcourse I believe in it. Ofcourse I do. But should I really right now?

I turn to you for comfort, hoping for a laugh or two. It was all rather funny actually, from the beginning. But heck I felt like it, what's the worst that could happen.

Shit happens when you least expect it.

So this is what I get, when I let down my guard, cause I thought that was alright, and that was what's best. No more, I just have to believe in myself right? Why am I putting up with all this shit?

I was just waiting, seriously I was, quite patiently I think. For another reason to hold on. I want to get that feeling back, that feeling, to know, it's all worth it.

I always have to watch my back huh? There WON'T be anyone to catch me when I fall.

This is a reminder to myself.

It might seem like they care, and yeah sometimes they might catch you. But then again, they might just drop you again. Remember alright babe? To not let anyone break down your walls again. Embrace this feeling, because you've experienced this enough. You gave it another try but it hurts worst now that you did right? If noone can deal with it, fuck them okay? You're here to protect yourself and they should understand. It might seem like they care, and they might have genuinely. But it'll run out, sooner or later. Always does.

I'm not gonna promise myself, cause I won't be able to completely control my feelings, but for now I'll try my best to remain this way. Until someone else fools me again I guess.

Fuck, its hard to blog your heart out and say what you wanna say when it aint private. I need to get myself a private blog, hopefully I won't need to anymore though after this.

So much I'm feeling, but never was that good at pouring my heart out..

for now, FML.

But I'll still wait. Yeap, there are cracks but I'm waiting for some cellophane tape. You're still in there, somewhere. The you that made me smile. The you that makes me cry. No, not cry in the bad way, thats you right now. The you that made me cry, cause I just missed you too much and the thought of you makes me weak, in the good way. Not weak right now, in the pathetic way.

Anyone feeling sorry for me? Please don't. I've learned and I know, how to get back up on my feet. Ramblings of the pms me, so excuse me (:

Yeah, I know when I'm PMS-ing. LOL! See, I'm feeling better already!

Sorry folks, gonna resume my korean movie and drift to slumber.

Thailand boys here I come ;D

A little piece of heaven.

Leaving to Bangkok, Thailand tomorrow morning !

Hope I'm all packed, mom told me not to bring too many things so that we can fill our luggage with all the cheap clothes & stuff we're gonna get! Shopping mode ready to ON.

I hate shopping, cause there's the walking around just to look at nice stuff that I would wanna get but just do not have the money for it. But since its Thailand, I am going to LOVE shopping! Do not disappoint me!

And, I pierced my upper ear already! And it DID NOT hurt when I pierced it =D And it DID NOT hurt for the few days! But TODAY it hurts! -.- Yeah, it's swollen now ): Just when I thought I would be one of the lucky bastards lol. But this still aint stopping my dream of getting 6 or so piercings on my whole right ear ;D

Hoping for all plans in December to work out beautifully.

You had my heart, atleast for the most part.

Cause everybody's gotta die sometime.

We fell apart, let's make a new start,

Cause everybody's gotta die sometime,

But baby don't cry.

I gotta make up for what I've done,

Cause I was all up in a piece of heaven,

While you burned in hell, no peace forever.

Cause I really always knew that my little crime,

would be cold thats why i got a heater for your thighs.

And I know its not your time,

but BYE BYE!

"

So kiss me and smile for me,

Tell me that you'll wait for me,

Hold me like you'll never let me go.

I'm leaving on a jet plane.

There's so many times I've let you down,

So many times I've played around,

I tell you now, they don't mean a thing.

Every place I go, I'll think of you.

Every song I sing, I'll sing for you.

So kiss me and smile for me.

Brown eyed girl

Okay, let me try to remember.

Was finally over with the shitty SPM BM exam on Monday. The most stress exam I ever took ironically. Glad to get that over with. Then off to the salon to DYE my hair! I think it turned out alright, eventhough I really wished it was brighter :/ Ohyes, it's light brown. The color that I wanted since I was 12. Was quite close to dyeing purple, but I get enough people judging me as it is.

Can't remember what happened on Tues and Wed, think I went to Rack Cafe to foos and watched movies with Qiqi.

Thursday was Amanda's house with the schoolmates. It was an adventure before we got to Amanda's house I tell you (inside joke). Mom picked Nadine up from her place to send us to Rekha's. 3 of us and Nelson hanged out at her room then went to the mamak nearby to eat with Nadine driving Rekha's mom's very first car and I swear I thought I was going to die back and forth.

Chilled at her house for awhile then Rekha's mom sent us to Sri Melur and chilled for awhile for Winston to pick us up. Quick trip back to Nadine's house to grab the measuring cup and her handphone. Took awhile to finally get to Amanda's house and they all already started watching The Orphan. Hell of a good movie with great actors and a great story line and twist, don't forget the sound effects. Waited for the boys to go and buy the rest of the ingredients then we all started baking our cupcakes which in the end became muffins and while that Nelson made his caramel which is YUMMY when its hot, not cold and hard! Eventhough that's what it's supposed to be eaten as. All of us then jumped in the pool! Except Safia ):

Played catching and marcopolo like the little kids we were while coming out to eat the deelish caramel and muffins. Got to night quite fast so we all showered and chilled till Amanda's mom bought us back dinner, so nice (: Then her mom dropped me back home, the girls at Nadine's house and the boys at Subang Parade to grab the taxi. Thank you Amanda and Amanda's mom (:

Friday was Helo Bali with Zhiji, Reuben, Siew Lee and Leona. Vodka, tequila shot and beer for me! In the end didn't go to Maison, sorry Siewlee haha! Went to Racks to foos then Canai Cafe to eat our indomee, capati and shisha. Got back home around 4.30 or 5am I think.

Sat was a night out with my mommy! Love spending time with her when we can (: Went to state to eat the famous duck rice that I lovee! Satisfied! Then to Digital World to try out the laptop that I want to get. I HATE Digital World and hope I will never have to go back there ever again. Then we went to Mid Valley, hoping to watch The Fourth Kind but apparently the stupid Star Newspaper printed the showtimes wrongly. So instead of movie, we went to eat apple crumble and enjoy our drinks at Delicious. Hot chocolate with marshmallows for me (: Me and mommy have been having these talks about how we bloody hate people that judge us on our looks. I'm kinda affected about it, wish I could be more like my mom and not give a rat's ass!

Sunday, Safia and Nadine came over!! Thankgod they decided to stay in my house instead of going shopping at Pyramid. Pigged out on snacks (okay fine, just me) and watched The Proposal and Sex In The City in my room. Thanks for the company girls (:

Today, I got a surprise. It was supposed to be just me and Azaidi playing badminton at Holiday Villa then I was glad to hear Danial was coming since I haven't seen him in ages! And apparently another guy was coming. Went outside the house and saw Azaidi outside his car. I glanced inside the car and saw 3 people in the car sleeping. I was like 'how many people did you being wei?' and he told me to look inside the car la. I looked inside and saw Danial, Muhammad and Richmond (((: Hehe, was so surprised (:

So we played badminton, showered at my house and ate dinner at Salmon Steakhouse. I love that place la, great food at a reasonable price. We're always trying out each other's food hehe. Foos 2 games at Racks which was just not enough for me. The boys had a curfew which was just potong stim so they sent me back home, so I smsed Zhiji to go play foos. One car that I did not recognize was outside my house when he told me to come out, got into the car and was surprised (again) to see Villi! So 3 of us went to Racks and I could see some people were surprised to see me 20mins later with a diff bunch of guys. Played a few games and went back to my place to drink the Vodka bottle they left at my place. We were eating my ruffles and playing cards then Reuben joined us after. Had to drink it raw since there was no Sprite or Coke. Don't worry Siew Lee, still got still got!! Hope you feel better soon as well!!

Yes, I'm getting used to blogging again!

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret
So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago
I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you.

The taste of freedom, taste like vodka with cupcakes

O-LEVELS IS OVERRRR !

Well, almost. One more objective paper on chem tomorrow morning, then it's over! But then there's the SPM Bm paper on Wed. But nevertheless, yours truly has started celebrating her freedom.

Oh wow, I'm actually gonna start blogging about my weekend! (:

So, after my Physics Paper 1, went to AC to foos. Yeah, I didn't study but foos instead.. again. Hey, you shouldn't stress yourself last minute anymore right? You know it, you know it, you don't, you don't! So after foos, was Addmaths Paper 2. Was easier than the first, that's all I can say. Straight went home, watched tv abit and got ready to Nadine's house for the BBQ!

Me and Rekha made babies! Me and Rekha cleaned squids! The bones were really cool, not the black ink though. After cleaning, marinating, stirring, wiping, and all those other things, finally got to seat our asses down and EAT! I was too busy foosing to remember to eat. So everything was just delicious! But, I didn't get to eat my squids, cause Scampi LICKED them -.- So after stuffing ourselves, half of us watched Jennifer's Body while the other half was trying to fix the curtain that broke. Everyone was screaming in the dark and the movie started for only 5 seconds. Hilarious! After the movie was done, went into the kitchen to find them playing Boggle so yeah Friday night was my first time playing Boggle! Headacheee wei!

Then it was drinking time, thought everyone how to play Flooop. I didn't even get a chance to mess up! ): Tried teaching them Thumbmaster but failed. Then we played Drink or Dare cause we just couldn't think of anything else. Why is it NOW only that I'm remembering all the drinking games..I'm missing the Bacardi Apple!

Drove to the mamak nearby to shisha and chill. We are all still wondering why it is so damn cold there. Sent the boys back and got back to the house around 5am, showered and me, Rekha and Safia who were sleeping over and Nadine slept straight. Woke up the next day and I got my nails painted with different colours on each nail. YAY(: Got ready and headed out to Curve. Met up with the rest at Vivo's and they have really good food there! Seriously doesn't look like much but really, the food is awesome. I had a Romeo and Juliet Pizza with a Cappucino, and they gave me a little biscuit! Went walking around the bazaar and we all spotted this BEEUTIFUL dress! (Don't worry, I know how to spell beautiful) But the movie was gonna start so we said we would buy it later.

2012 is, one of the best cinematic experiences I ever had. Something worth watching and something you DEFINITELY have to watch in the cinema.

Was so glad that they still had seats, for all 9 of us together, and it was pretty damn good seats. Cause we weren't able to book it the night before and I was so scared that it would be full. Guess it would have to be another day to watch The Fourth Kind and Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs.

After the movie, was Paddington's House of Pancakes. Lovelovelove! We all shared the sweet dipping thing. Can't remember what it's called but its the dollar pancakes. I prefer the american stacks though. And yes, Nadine, Safia and me bought the same dress!! It was just too nice. And no regrets, cause I tried it on at home (trying not allowed at the Curve Bazaar) and I just LOVE it! :D Anyways, Azaidi met up with us while we were at Paddington's. One by one everyone left, walked to McD to wait for the rest of them to go home. Then Hadi came to pick us up to go to OU for the Flyfm concert. Took a bloody hour to find parking so we were like fcuk it, just park at One World Hotel. Watched the concert for awhile then went to eat at the sushi place near MPH, can't remember the name. Had udon with the chicken thing. I just cannot seem to remember names. Got back home around 1am, watched House and slept for 12hours.

Woke up and went swimming with Jack the whole day. Was good to catch up! And it was good to swim after so long! After catcing up, went for dinner with him, Qiqi and their mom at Old Town. Food was good (: Prawn mee, chicken wings, fish head curry, pork satay and ice kacang!

Got home, watched House and here I am blogging. Sorry if it seemed liked I sped things up but I was getting kinda annoyed at typing. I gotta get used to blogging again :/

I'm missing the mash potatoes, pork ribs and cupcakes from the BBQ ):

God I'll make them pay,
Take it back one day.
I'll end this day,
I'll splatter color on this gray.
This I swear!
THIS I SWEAR!

:D

It's all getting abit tiresome.

Yes, I'm sorry that I was so forgetful!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, TIFFANY LEE!

So sorry, dear! But rejoice at the fact that I didn't get to do anything for him but for you, I got to belanja you char kuey teow and bubble tea back to school, saving you from the clutches of the school food! But in the end, you had Nando's as well. But atleast I made the effort, right? As I said on your facebook, I love you babe! Hoping for more years to come that I get to wish you Happy Birthday! Mwaaaah (:

Now hurry up and drive me around already, 17 year old!

So, the AAR concert was..... indescribable? Not in the good way though, in a I really can't say way. I found it stupid, that going there early to wait in line was a waste of time since in the end, everyone just PUSHED their way through. Everyone else that was WAY at the back of the line, managed to enter before us =.=
The weather as usual, was fcuked up. Hot. Then found out that we weren't waiting in line just now, but was waiting in line to be waiting in line. So was slowly pushing through the very huge crowd, with bodies of sweat sticking near you. I seriously felt as if I was about to faint. When we finally got in, we had to push ourselves AGAIN in attempt to get infront of the stage. Then, we were waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting till the bloody opening act could even come on. By that time, things started to stink and I thought to myself that this is a load of bullshit. I've already seen AAR live at the MTV World Stage, do I really need to see them again this close? I can just go to the bloody BACK of the crowd, away from everyone else and enjoy the show and music from the back. So with the power of the handphone, got Azaidi, Danial and Richmond to follow me out of the stinky crowd. And thank bloody god we did, cause it was AGES until AAR came out. So there we were sitting on the floor, enojoying the music and the drizzle, away from the bloody crowd (:
Managed to push myself back into the crowd when AAR was about to come on, by then I had calmed down and had my rest and drinks. They played the usual songs and by the last few songs I was at the front. When they finished, everyone was telling me to go back home but I was insistent on getting the free stuff they usually throw to the crowd after.

And, Katherine got herself Tyson Ritter's sweat towel which he wiped all over his body and crotch. HAHA. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want it. I was literally shaking my head to Tyson when he was asking the crowd if we wanted it. But he had to throw it over to my side and it was just so bloody close to me, natural reaction is to catch it right? I was expecting something, and true enough, exact thing happens just like the Panic at the Disco concert. Me and another 7 or 8 girls holding onto the towel for dear life. Instead, in less than 5 seconds (it took another girl 5 minutes to come up with the idea while we were all fighting for it) I was the one that suggested cutting it. And everyone co-operated! You know, instead of running away when a huge piece was yet to be cut ( which was what I did last time ), but I decided to be nice (:

F.Y.I : I lost my Panic at the Disco towel :X

Which was why I gave pieces of my towel to Azaidi's sister and her friend. And planning to give to Qiqi as well. It's just a sweat towel though, with Tyson Ritter's sweat... LOL. Just got it for the fun of it. But OHYEAHHHH unlike the Panic at the Disco concert, managed to get AAR's GUITAR PICK! WOOO! It looks freaking cool! Not as cool as the HelloKitty with boobs and 'AAR' behind, but still cool. There's a middle finger on it :D
No drumstick though. Damn, could have sold that for alot since I don't play the drums! But I'll keep the guitar pick!

Basically, if it wasn't for my certain someone and the free stuff, would be cursing the whole time about how I should have just stayed home and study. But it was okay in the end.

English paper was today, Nadine, Safia and Rekha found my essay about cockroaches and left-over pizza's cute. Hehh (: