love

This is what I get. I give this another chance and look what I get left with.

I said fine, I'll give this another try. and I'm starting to remember why I gave up in the first place.

Bullshit. All this. Yeah it might feel good for awhile, but ultimately? I don't know anymore.

Ofcourse I believe in it. Ofcourse I do. But should I really right now?

I turn to you for comfort, hoping for a laugh or two. It was all rather funny actually, from the beginning. But heck I felt like it, what's the worst that could happen.

Shit happens when you least expect it.

So this is what I get, when I let down my guard, cause I thought that was alright, and that was what's best. No more, I just have to believe in myself right? Why am I putting up with all this shit?

I was just waiting, seriously I was, quite patiently I think. For another reason to hold on. I want to get that feeling back, that feeling, to know, it's all worth it.

I always have to watch my back huh? There WON'T be anyone to catch me when I fall.

This is a reminder to myself.

It might seem like they care, and yeah sometimes they might catch you. But then again, they might just drop you again. Remember alright babe? To not let anyone break down your walls again. Embrace this feeling, because you've experienced this enough. You gave it another try but it hurts worst now that you did right? If noone can deal with it, fuck them okay? You're here to protect yourself and they should understand. It might seem like they care, and they might have genuinely. But it'll run out, sooner or later. Always does.

I'm not gonna promise myself, cause I won't be able to completely control my feelings, but for now I'll try my best to remain this way. Until someone else fools me again I guess.

Fuck, its hard to blog your heart out and say what you wanna say when it aint private. I need to get myself a private blog, hopefully I won't need to anymore though after this.

So much I'm feeling, but never was that good at pouring my heart out..

for now, FML.

But I'll still wait. Yeap, there are cracks but I'm waiting for some cellophane tape. You're still in there, somewhere. The you that made me smile. The you that makes me cry. No, not cry in the bad way, thats you right now. The you that made me cry, cause I just missed you too much and the thought of you makes me weak, in the good way. Not weak right now, in the pathetic way.

Anyone feeling sorry for me? Please don't. I've learned and I know, how to get back up on my feet. Ramblings of the pms me, so excuse me (:

Yeah, I know when I'm PMS-ing. LOL! See, I'm feeling better already!

Sorry folks, gonna resume my korean movie and drift to slumber.

Thailand boys here I come ;D