And I will try, to fix you.

From Phy, Chem, Bio, Maths to Law, Econs, Sociology, Maths.

Even though I've already made my decision. It still doesn't feel right. But I know that if I stayed in Sciences, it still wouldn't feel right. Nothing would please me. And I'm sick of the thinking. Why do I have to decide my future NOW. Why do most people already know what they want to do with their lives except me. I don't see myself working as anything. Maybe I just shouldn't work, marry a rich husband and just takecare of my 2 adorable kids.

& I got my O level results back today.

1A*(Physics), 3A (Bio, Eng, Maths), 3B (Business, Chem, Addmaths).

Yeah, I guess I should be happy. I mean, atleast it's decent enough to post it on the blog right? But, my goal was to get 5A's, 2B's atleast. Got a B for business, dammit. But don't worry, I'm okay. Like I keep telling everyone, you got straight A's or 5 C's, you still get to be in college, so really, it doesn't matter.

And I should be really proud actually. EVERYONE has tuition except me (if you don't then sorry, and you should be proud like me then). And my grades are slightly similar or even better than those with tuition. I wouldn't say that I was as hardworking as the rest during the whole 2years and exam period and I have to admit, I went out ALOT. And I didn't even pay attention AT ALL for Addmaths during Form5. I just couldn't understand what he was saying so I just slacked and slept in Addmaths. No tuition teacher as well obviously. Just asking my friends and doing it myself. And I got a B. Quite remarkable I think. Yeap, I feel better already! (:

&, the video on fb posted by Rekha was just too beautiful. I just had to post the lyrics up.

Fix you by Coldplay.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above earth or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

I hope you would find out in time, before it's too late... how much I really did love you.

College :D

Today was the thrid day of college. So far so good actually (:

But my timetable is abit sad, only one hour break. But thankgod wed and thurs college finishes at 3pm while mon and tues is 4pm, fri is 1pm ofcourse. Everyday class starts at 8am.

And OHSHIT I was 40mins late for my first class this morning, Physics.

Me: I'm so sorry! So so sorry!

Miss: It's okay, were you the one that raised her hand yesterday?

Me: Haha, yeahh.

Miss: Next time wake up earlier okay?

Yesterday she asked who has a problem with punctuality and so I raised my hand. Never thought that I would be late, and THAT late, the very next day ><

So far have been going to AC after college, foos is love (:

And yayy, there was this talk instead of class so me and Zhi Lynn skipped, so we were out of college at 2pm instead of 3pm. Thought her how to foos ((:

Oh and how was my orientation and 2nd day? As usual la, ice breaker games and intros on the first day, second day MORE intros and meeting the teachers. Today, lessons finally started and so far so good, FOR NOW!

I need to go to the bookshop to buy my college stuff T___T

And WHERE THE HECK IS MY L. ZZZZ,

But OHEMGEE, I was walking back home in the rain yesterday, and I found RM10 on the road, sweeeet!

babyyyy, I'll make you breakfast in the morning okay? Hope you like cereal :D

For once I will upload pics and not blog about my outings (:

I MISS STUDYING, AND I CAN'T WAIT TO BE A DORK WITH MY NEW GLASSES that I forgot to mention on the blog (:

Meet Garbagemond, I love him (:

Figured out yesterday how to transfer pics from my phone so yeah, from long ago.

Haihhh, I want my new study table that I've been trying to get by making a trip to Ikano but its kinda hard since I have to WAIT for my driving instructor to process the L then ONLY from there wait ONE whole month till I can do my test to get my license so now there is no point to do my 3rd lesson now since I have oh so much time and I might just forget everything.

The cupcakes that Qiqi baked for me, delicious.

Missing someone and can't wait to see that someone (:

Wow, things have been... crazily hectic. How do I even begin this recap?

Happy New Year and goodbye 2009 and HELLO 2010.

Gosh, 2009.. alot of things happened in this year. Things really changed for me in 2009. I was always thinking, what exactly was I doing a year ago. Shit, things were really different for me (:

2009 was really freaking memorable, and I have no regrets! Hoping for 2010 to somehow be an even better year. And how can it not? Cause baby, its college year for us!

Yes, its done. I am a registered student of Taylor's University College. My dream college! Yeah, my mom laughed when I told her that but seriously, since I was a little girl in primary school, I would always envy those people in their non-uniforms walking to college with their friends and laughing, looking as if they have not a care in the world. How time really flies, I seriously thought I would never get this far in life, but here I am. Alive and well and happy and in great company. Yeah global warming got worst, more people are going mentally sick in the head and are finding new ways to kill people, the economy is sucking ass, little kids are starving while more stupid celebrities are spending frivolously on stupid things they don't even need, technology is growing so fast that it is possible for robots to actually take over the world and face it the world is dying pretty soon, give or take a few decades. But yeah, you always gotta look at the brighter side of things (:

A-Levels: Maths, Bio, Physics, Chem = DEATH

Yeappp, thaaat's me! The idiot that took these subs in A levels even though she doesn't have the ambition to be a doctor but just took it because she doesn't know what else to take. I have two weeks to make up my mind about staying in these subs or changing it if not Taylor's won't give my money back =.=

And wow, I just realised. I'm SUPPOSED to be reporting for duty now but nope! Officially deferred from National Service (:

Ohyeah! Thailand was SHOPPING HEAVEN. I have conquered the whole Platinum shopping mall and the streets of Pataya ( I think that's what it's called). Nope, no tourism sites and drinking snake blood wine in the morning! Maybe next time with the friends, but the lack of shopping here in KL because everything is just too exp really called for the shopping I did in Thailand. Pleaseeee let it be a yearly thing for I would love to do all my shopping in Thailand !!

What else have I been up to... It's kinda hard to blog about what happened a month ago ><

MY BIRTHDAY! OMG YEAHHH !! So, it WAS NOT a party okay? I didn't throw a party because I was not in the mood to have a bazillion people in the house, and this group of people wouldn't know this group of people and then I would have to worry about food and drinks so NO I didn't throw a party but I did have a gathering. I invited 3 groups of friends whom knew a few people from another group and could mix around and stay out late at night and drink and it was pot luck, everyone had to bring something to my house.

Everyone came on Dec 6 and we talked, laughed, drink, sang and I got my birthday song and birthday cake at 12am. I was too over-joyed for words, friends gathering to sing you your birthday song, and all the birthday wishes on sms and facebook and the ones that tried to call me at 12am to wish me. THANK YOU EVERYONE. I love birthdays !

And thanks to Richmond, for buying me my birthday cake, and for attempting to surprise me with it, sorry I opened the fridge. But I already suspected you got me a cake so don't feel too bad! And thanks to Nelson, Terence and Anir for making pizza but I so-called ruin it but hey, pizza that taste like pan mee, not a bad job I say! And thanks for the cake Nelson baked(which tasted like there was an orgasm in my mouth YUMMY), thanks man for actually baking for me!!!! And for the DELICIOUS belgian choc that Terence got for me that says happy birthday! I finally ate al of it on Xmas day hehe! And thanks to Nadine and Safia for the PRETTY, big box, inside with a photoframe of the three of us at graduation (T____T) and a cute top from kitschen. Thanks to Reuben, Zhiji and Siew Lee for getting us MATCHING anklets (mine's purple!), what a sweet thought ! Till now all of us are wearing it. And thanks to Villi for the cute bear phone strap which my mom wanted for herself but don't worry! I said no (: And thanks to Zhi Lynn for the effing nice bracelet which is not really a bracelet. I love it! And for handmaking the package thingy hahaha. Did I forget anyone else? If I have I'm sorry, you know my memory sucks. Yeah, I know I didn't get much presents this year but REALLY, I wasn't even expecting any! I kinda forgot presents came with birthdays so it was nice to get this many actually. And that they weren't just store-bought and chosen without care, but these people actually took the time and gave it thought into giving these to me. I would choose a gift you took 100minutes to complete rather than a gift that cost rm100. It really is the thought that counts and I'm not just saying it.

So everyone went back home except for Danial, Anir and Terence who were sleeping over. Went to Canai Cafe and the shisha was about to close but told the shisha guy it was my birthday and I got my shisha and maggi mee goreng yayy! And instead of sleeping, Terence and me stayed up talking for 3 hours and like we told Anir in the morning, no we didn't think it was a heart to heart talk cause that would involve our problems and ambitions and shit so nope it wasnt :D So he had to leave at 10am, so I finally took my short nap then Azaidi came so the three of us went to watch Ninja Assasin in Summit, back to the house to drink and talk, went to Canai to eat, talked more in the car outside and they dropped me home. Then, ermm.. I played in the rain abit and took the time to sit back, watch and hear the rain. Then I made sure to finish listen to Empty Apartment and Only One by Yellowcard, Here (in your arms) by Hellogoodbye, The Reason by Hoobastank and Bitter Heart by Zee Avi before taking off my dirty wet clothes and taking a nice warm shower (:

Next day ofcourse, was Fong Zhi Lynn's birthday !! Met up in Pyramid and I surprised her from the back when she was coming out of the cinema, screamed Happy birthday at the top of my lungs, was so surprised till she fell on the floor and I was standing there laughing my ass off.. infront of everyone (: We drank those huge ice milk tea things they have for people celebrating their birthdays and sad to say, we didn't finish it ><

Hmm then there was Ashwin's surprise birthday at Chili's in Bangsar Shopping Centre. I got there late cause the night before went to Genting with Villi, Zhiji, Reuben and Siew Lee at 4am and how was I to know I would sleep for that long and that my mom would then be unable to send me last minute ): So I rushed like superwoman and took a cab down to Bangsar. Had JUST missed them yell surprise but atleast I wasn't as late as I thought I was ><>

And I went to Langkawi!! With Zhiji, Siew Lee and Reuben. My butt has recovered from sitting on the bus for 7 hours back and forth, don't forget the jetty ride! But it was worth it. The hotel was beautiful for what we paid, really wasn't expecting that! And the beach at night, with the stars, uncountable stars zomfghexwtfbbqsosssss. BEE-U-TI-FUL. Listened to my ipod laying down on the matt with good company next to you staring at the stars. AGAIN I say! Soon, with Rekha and the gang in late january! ;D Gosh I really would love to go to Langkawi again. Ooohh, I took a nap by the beach.. and when I woke up, it felt as if I woke up in a dream, with the beautiful scenery and the sun almost setting, and the three of them across from me talking to themselves and the wind and sand in my hair. Yeah, it's nice to take a nap at the beach. And the choc and drinks there.. Yeah Siew Lee has her chocs and I have my drinks... cheap cheap drinks !!!

Hmm what else? OhYEA. PROM !!!!!!!!!!!!

"when i first saw her, i thought i'd seen an angel, my eyes were so blinded, i couldn't look straight. "

My prom date was Richmond ((: According to Nadine, he looked like a chrysanthemum flower that night but what the eff, I wouldn't ask anyone else to be my date (: And everything I wore that night was from Thailand other than the flower pin Siew Lee borrowed me, thanks! I was all white, with a tan from Langkawi. Prom was awesome, I really had alot of fun. The MC's were funny as hell and I danced non-stop as soon as the dance floor opened! And me and Mabel gave a lap dance to Terence and Anir infront of everyone! Don't worry, we received lap dances too hahahaa! I got to slow dance with Richmond too :D I HAD FUN AT MY PROM WEEEEE!! Love my friends, love life yeah !

Played foos and chilled at the bar in Renaissance Hotel for awhile which was where the prom was held, and the rest couldn't make it so me, Nadine, Nelson, Anir, Terence, Suhail and Faris went to put our stuff at Sheraton Hotel (thanks Nel!) and off to Heritage Row which was right beside Sheraton! Went to Maison, drink what was left of the bottle as everyone was already kong or half kong cause they left prom arnd 11pm while we reached at 1.30am, danced till 3am, ate at the mamak with everyone then went back to the hotel where it was another session of talking with Terence, though this time I got a full body massage :D Everyone was missing for awhile but they came back then talked till 7am I think? Slept till the idiots woke me up at an ungodly hour of 10am, no idea why -.- Showered, breakfast at mamak and took the LRT and KTM back. SOOO motivated to get my license FAST! Thankgod the Undang place called my mom saying there was an opening to do the Undang, so went back home and PASSED my undang!! YEAHH!! The first two times in English fail, but the third time took it in BM and I passed!

Already did my second seminar, and already took my first driving lesson! I am LUCKY to have my driving instructor, cause he's a really cool guy! I see everyone hating theirs and because of that they feel nervous driving so its nice to have a guy I can talk to and he doesn't scold me but teach me when I make mistakes. Shit, when he was outside my house, he already wanted me to be in the drivers seat but I told him that can he atleast get out of my neighbourhood cause there was this pretty narrow turning at the longkang's that I didn't want to drive at but he told me not to worry and just do it. He was directing me here and there and I didn't even realise but before I knew it, I was driving on the Federal Highway!!!! Ohmygodddd. He didn't even give me any warning =.= So I drove to Kelana Jaya and did the 3 point turns and all and then he drove me back. Can't wait for my next lesson :D

OHYEAH! Christmas!! Christmas eve was at MOS with Wai Keat, Azaidi, Mutalib, Akram, Zhiji, Reuben and Siew Lee. I had a great time :D Christmas day with Si Ching and Hendrich at Rack's, dinner with mom and bro at TGIF's in Parade and at night the boys picked me up and went to AC to foos again, and Serena picked me up to go to G6 in Gardens. Nice place to drink and chill, then dance with your friends cause the music is awesome.

OHH and New Years!! New years eve was at Al's in Heritage Row with Qiqi, Azaidi and Mutalib. The night before at Mist to get some free drinks then at Space with Azaidi, Zhiji, Reuben, Siew Lee, Anir and Nadine. And finally got to see daddy Timothy on New year! Thanks for letting your two daughters crash at your house for awhile. OWH And Richmond called me at 12am on the dot all the way from Hong Kong! <3

Hmm what else has been up? Oh Jan 1 was spent eating pizza and watching Planet 51 at Siew Lee's :D Other than the normal hangouts like watching movies, foos and pool at Rack's and AC, coming over to my house and yum cha sessions and sleepovers and such guess that's it.

Or maybe I'm forgetting something? :S

Ohmygod this post took 2hours++ to complete, and I'm busy discussing tonight's plans!

Ciaoo!

I'll pile up the dreams that I thought could not be fulfilled without throwing them away,

and become the foundation stone for the dreams that stands at the peak of absurd and reckless.

Grab on to my hand, would you like to see it together?

By no means its easy, but its the best kind of world.

Happy new year! (:

Notice the whole post consists of (: ? Well, maybe cause those memories make me (:

(:

love

This is what I get. I give this another chance and look what I get left with.

I said fine, I'll give this another try. and I'm starting to remember why I gave up in the first place.

Bullshit. All this. Yeah it might feel good for awhile, but ultimately? I don't know anymore.

Ofcourse I believe in it. Ofcourse I do. But should I really right now?

I turn to you for comfort, hoping for a laugh or two. It was all rather funny actually, from the beginning. But heck I felt like it, what's the worst that could happen.

Shit happens when you least expect it.

So this is what I get, when I let down my guard, cause I thought that was alright, and that was what's best. No more, I just have to believe in myself right? Why am I putting up with all this shit?

I was just waiting, seriously I was, quite patiently I think. For another reason to hold on. I want to get that feeling back, that feeling, to know, it's all worth it.

I always have to watch my back huh? There WON'T be anyone to catch me when I fall.

This is a reminder to myself.

It might seem like they care, and yeah sometimes they might catch you. But then again, they might just drop you again. Remember alright babe? To not let anyone break down your walls again. Embrace this feeling, because you've experienced this enough. You gave it another try but it hurts worst now that you did right? If noone can deal with it, fuck them okay? You're here to protect yourself and they should understand. It might seem like they care, and they might have genuinely. But it'll run out, sooner or later. Always does.

I'm not gonna promise myself, cause I won't be able to completely control my feelings, but for now I'll try my best to remain this way. Until someone else fools me again I guess.

Fuck, its hard to blog your heart out and say what you wanna say when it aint private. I need to get myself a private blog, hopefully I won't need to anymore though after this.

So much I'm feeling, but never was that good at pouring my heart out..

for now, FML.

But I'll still wait. Yeap, there are cracks but I'm waiting for some cellophane tape. You're still in there, somewhere. The you that made me smile. The you that makes me cry. No, not cry in the bad way, thats you right now. The you that made me cry, cause I just missed you too much and the thought of you makes me weak, in the good way. Not weak right now, in the pathetic way.

Anyone feeling sorry for me? Please don't. I've learned and I know, how to get back up on my feet. Ramblings of the pms me, so excuse me (:

Yeah, I know when I'm PMS-ing. LOL! See, I'm feeling better already!

Sorry folks, gonna resume my korean movie and drift to slumber.

Thailand boys here I come ;D

A little piece of heaven.

Leaving to Bangkok, Thailand tomorrow morning !

Hope I'm all packed, mom told me not to bring too many things so that we can fill our luggage with all the cheap clothes & stuff we're gonna get! Shopping mode ready to ON.

I hate shopping, cause there's the walking around just to look at nice stuff that I would wanna get but just do not have the money for it. But since its Thailand, I am going to LOVE shopping! Do not disappoint me!

And, I pierced my upper ear already! And it DID NOT hurt when I pierced it =D And it DID NOT hurt for the few days! But TODAY it hurts! -.- Yeah, it's swollen now ): Just when I thought I would be one of the lucky bastards lol. But this still aint stopping my dream of getting 6 or so piercings on my whole right ear ;D

Hoping for all plans in December to work out beautifully.

You had my heart, atleast for the most part.

Cause everybody's gotta die sometime.

We fell apart, let's make a new start,

Cause everybody's gotta die sometime,

But baby don't cry.

I gotta make up for what I've done,

Cause I was all up in a piece of heaven,

While you burned in hell, no peace forever.

Cause I really always knew that my little crime,

would be cold thats why i got a heater for your thighs.

And I know its not your time,

but BYE BYE!

"

So kiss me and smile for me,

Tell me that you'll wait for me,

Hold me like you'll never let me go.

I'm leaving on a jet plane.

There's so many times I've let you down,

So many times I've played around,

I tell you now, they don't mean a thing.

Every place I go, I'll think of you.

Every song I sing, I'll sing for you.

So kiss me and smile for me.

Brown eyed girl

Okay, let me try to remember.

Was finally over with the shitty SPM BM exam on Monday. The most stress exam I ever took ironically. Glad to get that over with. Then off to the salon to DYE my hair! I think it turned out alright, eventhough I really wished it was brighter :/ Ohyes, it's light brown. The color that I wanted since I was 12. Was quite close to dyeing purple, but I get enough people judging me as it is.

Can't remember what happened on Tues and Wed, think I went to Rack Cafe to foos and watched movies with Qiqi.

Thursday was Amanda's house with the schoolmates. It was an adventure before we got to Amanda's house I tell you (inside joke). Mom picked Nadine up from her place to send us to Rekha's. 3 of us and Nelson hanged out at her room then went to the mamak nearby to eat with Nadine driving Rekha's mom's very first car and I swear I thought I was going to die back and forth.

Chilled at her house for awhile then Rekha's mom sent us to Sri Melur and chilled for awhile for Winston to pick us up. Quick trip back to Nadine's house to grab the measuring cup and her handphone. Took awhile to finally get to Amanda's house and they all already started watching The Orphan. Hell of a good movie with great actors and a great story line and twist, don't forget the sound effects. Waited for the boys to go and buy the rest of the ingredients then we all started baking our cupcakes which in the end became muffins and while that Nelson made his caramel which is YUMMY when its hot, not cold and hard! Eventhough that's what it's supposed to be eaten as. All of us then jumped in the pool! Except Safia ):

Played catching and marcopolo like the little kids we were while coming out to eat the deelish caramel and muffins. Got to night quite fast so we all showered and chilled till Amanda's mom bought us back dinner, so nice (: Then her mom dropped me back home, the girls at Nadine's house and the boys at Subang Parade to grab the taxi. Thank you Amanda and Amanda's mom (:

Friday was Helo Bali with Zhiji, Reuben, Siew Lee and Leona. Vodka, tequila shot and beer for me! In the end didn't go to Maison, sorry Siewlee haha! Went to Racks to foos then Canai Cafe to eat our indomee, capati and shisha. Got back home around 4.30 or 5am I think.

Sat was a night out with my mommy! Love spending time with her when we can (: Went to state to eat the famous duck rice that I lovee! Satisfied! Then to Digital World to try out the laptop that I want to get. I HATE Digital World and hope I will never have to go back there ever again. Then we went to Mid Valley, hoping to watch The Fourth Kind but apparently the stupid Star Newspaper printed the showtimes wrongly. So instead of movie, we went to eat apple crumble and enjoy our drinks at Delicious. Hot chocolate with marshmallows for me (: Me and mommy have been having these talks about how we bloody hate people that judge us on our looks. I'm kinda affected about it, wish I could be more like my mom and not give a rat's ass!

Sunday, Safia and Nadine came over!! Thankgod they decided to stay in my house instead of going shopping at Pyramid. Pigged out on snacks (okay fine, just me) and watched The Proposal and Sex In The City in my room. Thanks for the company girls (:

Today, I got a surprise. It was supposed to be just me and Azaidi playing badminton at Holiday Villa then I was glad to hear Danial was coming since I haven't seen him in ages! And apparently another guy was coming. Went outside the house and saw Azaidi outside his car. I glanced inside the car and saw 3 people in the car sleeping. I was like 'how many people did you being wei?' and he told me to look inside the car la. I looked inside and saw Danial, Muhammad and Richmond (((: Hehe, was so surprised (:

So we played badminton, showered at my house and ate dinner at Salmon Steakhouse. I love that place la, great food at a reasonable price. We're always trying out each other's food hehe. Foos 2 games at Racks which was just not enough for me. The boys had a curfew which was just potong stim so they sent me back home, so I smsed Zhiji to go play foos. One car that I did not recognize was outside my house when he told me to come out, got into the car and was surprised (again) to see Villi! So 3 of us went to Racks and I could see some people were surprised to see me 20mins later with a diff bunch of guys. Played a few games and went back to my place to drink the Vodka bottle they left at my place. We were eating my ruffles and playing cards then Reuben joined us after. Had to drink it raw since there was no Sprite or Coke. Don't worry Siew Lee, still got still got!! Hope you feel better soon as well!!

Yes, I'm getting used to blogging again!

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret
So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago
I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you.