With all my heart,

Daang, should have went to Cloud 9 instead of Safari. Learnt my lesson.

I'm halfway reading Anne Frank: the diary of a young girl. So far, she feels that she genuinely hates her mom, and can never love her?

I'm already aware that my mom is quite lenient in her rules, cause I've been hearing this fact from my dear friends ever since I was a little girl, until this day. 'Your mom is so cool' 'Sorry, I can't go, my mom isn't as cool as yours'. Different reasons at a different age, where it became more and more unbelievable at a higher stage.

I have NO curfew at all.
She lets me sleepover at my friend's house and in turn lets whoever sleepover here ( you wouldn't believe how many of my friends CAN'T)
Lets me go out with WHOever, WHENever and WHEREver, even willing to send me there (but sometimes not pick up as she has her own plans)
It's okay for me to take public transport ( hey, it was her idea. But what she didn't know was that I already knew how to take the bus and cab )
I've shisha-ed, but my mom doesn't seem to care? I was so excited when I told her my first time, hehe.
She lets me drink, in the house, outside, whenever.
She doesn't stop me from clubbing. (She doesn't encourage it either, except once, her only fear is that there would be a raid, think that's why its okay to drink)
I laughed and showed her my IC (;
I basically have absolute freedom.
and etc which cannot be listed.

My mother, she is just so open with everything. I mean just last night she took me and Reuben up to Genting and gave us money to go chill and drink. I didn't even bother asking any of my friends to join, because I know none of their parents would let them do something so apparently, spontaneous and too sudden. *Ahem Kellie?* **Bah, you're not as worst as the others**

Okay, there really are so many other reasons why my mom is just so cool and understanding. I can't really say it here but I think I can say with absolute confidence, I have NOTHING to hide from my mother. She is aware of EVERYTHING that I do and have done, and that's because now I feel that I can trust her. So at the end of the day, I'm going up to her and telling her what had just happened, like a friend. Even better sometimes, as she doesn't judge or lecture but gives a willing ear and is glad I had a good time.

I guess the reasons why mom allows and sometimes encourages, is because she trusts me. She knows I should be out there, painting the town red *quoted from her*. I really don't want to abuse and take advantage of our relationship right now, which was what I had done last time. Because of that, we went through a really rough patch. But hey, isn't it normal to have a bit of a rough time with your mom? I never knew that I could have reconciled my relationship with my mom, but thankgod yes.

She's allowing me to make my own mistakes, gain experience. But yet I don't understand. WHY does my mom STILL continue to give me the trust and freedom? She KNOWS about certain stuff that I have done some things that should have told her it was a mistake, and yet I get away scott free. No consequences at all. Is this the way she chose to raise me? Is this her plan or has she just given up on me? I really don't get it, how does she expect me to learn? What if I wasn't myself? What if I was the type of girl that went ' hey, no punishment for what I've done? So its OK to do it again?'. How sure was my mom that I wouldn't have thought that way! What a senseless mother! Sometimes I really feel that my mom is TOO lenient with me, seriously, how sure was she that I would turn out this way? That with no guidance I would turn out.. okay? I mean, with a mom like mine, I would have turned out.. soo much.. worst. Unbelievably worst.

Please, don't let me spin out of control. I see and hear the stories, and have always said to myself when I was younger that I'll never do that. But I see the person I'm changing into, and have changed into. I'm not blind. I just hope, I know my limits, my boundaries. I HOPE that I do not lengthen those limits, that I do not ruin the trust that my mother has for me. I want to PROVE to her that giving me such a nice life and freedom is NOT a mistake. Heck, it might even be better than keeping me like an animal in a cage, like many of the kids and parents I know of.

I hope that Anne is just going through a rough patch with her mom. She has convinced herself that even before she went into hiding, she can't see her mom as, a "mom". So to hide that fact from her mother, she calls her "momsie" or "mom's"... an imperfect mom. Are you maybe just going through hormonal changes? Hopefully just a rough patch eh Anne? I'm eager to finish the book and observe the relationship between mother and daughter. Whoever knows the end, please do not ruin it for me.

I'm not sure that I got to write what I felt about my mom, but basically. I hope I don't take advantage of the lifestyle my mom has allowed me. I don't want to disappoint her, I want to make her proud. I hope I know my limits.

Mom, I'm genuinely sorry for everything I've put you through. I'm really thankful for everything you let me do and everything you do for me. You're different than other mom's and I love you for that. Thankyou with all my heart and sorry as well. I don't want to say promise cause I'm scared I'll hurt you more in the end, but with ALL of my heart, I DO NOT want to disappoint you. I know you think that you have guided me, and it's time to see what I have become but please, never stop teaching me, never stop guiding me. I need you in my life, as a friend, as a mother. There are no more words to describe how thankful I am for you, from now on I'll try to show my love towards you with actions now. I'm sorry for the rough times.

<3